guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize