remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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