when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
