apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
