I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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