I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
