beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
