So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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