i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
