were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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