Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
