we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
