Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
