Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
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stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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