OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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