I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
