I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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