So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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