im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
