stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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