Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
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Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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