Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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