is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
