so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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