I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
