So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
