i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
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why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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