after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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