Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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