if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He did a backflip because drugs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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