Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
