Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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