i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
