Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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