also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
