we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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