Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
