But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He? As in you personified your dick?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
