I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
