i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
