I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
