if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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