I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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