Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
