Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
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Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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