I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
