guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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