I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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