Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
