You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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