You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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