if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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