he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
