When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
