Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just invented taco cereal.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
