If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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