I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
