My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
