One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
