I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
