so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
