I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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