i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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