If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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